Baby Names

Baby names are all the rage, aren't they? Parents worrying over picking the perfect names for their babies is nothing new, but somehow it has developed into more of an art form that it used to be.

In the old days (remember when there wasn't an Internet?) parents used to pick their baby name by playing Scrabble and whatever was the highest scoring word on the board would be the name. Okay, that's not true, but let's go onto the next politically incorrect half-lie.

It is said, that in Asia that parents used to pick their baby names by throwing their metal utensils into the air and the sounds that they made when hitting the ground is what the name would be. Ching, chang, chong and bing, bang, bong it was said, could be possible combinations.

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I personally believe this is another urban legend and was a method never used to name babies. Of course, I could be wrong.

Now, when parents pick baby names they have to be careful not to pick a name the child will outgrow. Picking a cute baby name like Scooter or BinkyPoo may serve the child well until he or she enters grade school, but after that, the child will be in for a world of taunts and fisticuffs. Picking a boy name like "Sue" may work for a fictional Johnny Cash song, but in the real world who would want to be this sadistic? Okay, you might, but you are the exception.

Good Baby Names Versus Bad Baby Names

Good

John
Mary
Emily
Emma
Jacob
Michael
Joshua
Madison
Isabelle
Ava
Abigail
Matthew
Ethan
Daniel
Christopher
Olivia
Hannah
Andrew
Anthony
William
Sophia
Samantha

Bad

Aorta
Asterisk
Baby
Baldy
Cutthroat
Digby
Eek
Fart
Garvey
Gimpy
Gordo
Grady
Hunk
Imus
iPod
Jock
Joker
Kool
Listerine
Lithium
Mable
Malcontent
Nano
Oompah
Orville
Potsie
Porker
Psycho
Putz
Quack
Rickles
Sasquatch
Spud
Tupac
Ugly
Uvula
Vampire
Wallenda
Wimpy
Xerox
Yentl
Yikes
Zeus
Zoolander

In the olden days, parents used to pick baby names from their pool of relatives, usually from the parents' fathers or mothers. Now days, people turn to resources such as this site for ideas or computer-generated programs that tells the etymology of each baby name in a document the size of a novella.

Now, baby names should never be surnames. Who would want to call a baby, sir, anyways? But, it is perfectly acceptable to combine the surnames of the parents to create a unique baby name. For instance, a baby may be named Smithson Smith-Jackson, JoBrown Jones-Brown or even Willer Wilson-Miller.

See where I am going with this? Another technique is to combine first names of the parents to create a baby name for your child. For instance, you may wish to call a boy Johnberly or a girl, Elizapaul. This is usually a technique used by wishy-washy people who don't want to offend anyone and make nice with everyone. If you are one of these people, then bite me.

Baby names are also commonly arrived at by parents using the dictionary. Remember that book that you used to use in high school? Well, here's your chance to use it again. Simply open the dictionary randomly and point to a word. This word will then, by law, become your baby's name. If there are any questions to the legality of this simply refer your attorney and judge to this website.

The last method for picking baby names, which need not be overlooked, is to name your child after your favorite celebrity or the celebrity's child. Remember, there is always enough room for another "Cher" or "Moon" in this world.

No baby names would be complete without a list of good baby names versus bad baby names. Remember, that these are only suggestions and that you may name your baby whatever you dang well please.

That's it. Baby names are an art, not a science, so in a way you can't really go wrong no matter what you name your child. Your child will grow up to hate you and resent the name you've chosen for the rest of their lives and nothing you can do will change this. So, go forward, make a choice and live by your choice. It doesn't matter what your decision is, only that you make one.