Middle Names

Middle names are well, stuck in the middle between first names and last names. Middle names are the ugly stepchild of names because they are the least important of all names that a person can have.

The first name is the most important being first and the last name is the next most important being last, but the middle name is so unimportant that many people do not even have them.

The meanings of the middle names vary from pathetic to unworthy. Often a middle name is given on a lark by the parents or some sort of sadistic inside joke. Ever once in a blue moon (you left me standing alone) a parent will bestow a middle name upon a child with sound reasoning and a strong sense of self, family pride and identity.

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This is not the case for you, my friend. Both of our sets of parents gave us our middle names as jokes. It is now well time that you come to terms with this and give up the denial. It doesn't matter what they've told you. It's a lie.

Now, that said, middle names can be fun if you happen to be a sadistic parent and would like to get your kicks by give a joke middle name. Francis is always a good one. Butterscotch is even better.

Middle names don't have much identity in and of themselves. Most parents pick middle names because they have two first names they like and can't really decide, which to use so they choose both. Sometimes the middle name honors a parent or grandparent or some other beloved member of the family. At least this is what the sadistic parent tell you as a cover story, because remember it is really a joke.

Middle names can also sometimes be last names such as the wife's maiden name or some such blather. It matters not. Middle names are lame and that's all there is to it. They bestow neither identity like first names nor genealogical information like last names.

In fact, if you don't have a middle name, you have the advantage of picking your own. Frisbee has always been one of my favorite middle names for those who don't have one. Sweetie Pie is another.